Friday, May 23, 2008
i realised i regretted alot of things. if only time cld turn back. perhaps i wld haf.. sigh. wat was i tinking tt time? why didnt i juz agree.
and today. wat a terrible day. i actually cried in front of the class. nt really cry but yes there were tears. and i noe everyone noticed it. why issit so damn hard to bring the class tgther. as in i tried but it juz cldnt work. and singing a bdae song issit tt difficult. i m nt even expecting a lot. it's juz opening ur freaking mouth. and yea, sl and yh whole day only noe how to complain abt the class but do they even realise tt the freaking problem lies with them. okay abt today. yes i bought brownies for the whole class. they complain tt they always nv get to eat, so yes i bought it. all the way frm raffles. and i hafta take bus to sch. i dun enjoy the luxury of sitting in my dad's car in the morn. and wat's their prob, buy for them and they like so po po ma ma, celebrate one bdae always must take yrs liddat. u noe it really hurts me so much simply by showing such attitudes. and when u compare other classes and my own class, my class really shows no sense of spirit. as in, i spent time buying the stuffs, doing the stuffs and u all juz dun appreciate it. since u all dun, why even bother sabo-ing me as the welfare rep. and the more i tink the more pissed i m la. sumtimes i wonder why m i the only person doing all the things. pple like zanyu, why is he slacking when he is supposed to be welfare rep too. and ya, why me alone. other classes haf their frens helping them. and to tink i m so stupid to stay up late nite juz to do things. I M SUCH A BIG FOOL. but forget it, this isnt the first time i broke down in sch. the fact tt why jz is gg closer to yh and sl oso hurts me. nt tt i m jealous, is juz tt she is neglecting me n ivy. it's like 6 yrs of frenship isnt better than the 1 yr relationship tt she haf with yh and sl. gosh, this class is separating. and i shallnt care. since everyone seems fine with it, den okay. tt's it.
blow it/
let it out___4:31 PM
Monday, October 8, 2007
i m here to blog again after so long. BECAUSE OF STH. sth i felt disgusted abt la. it's like i thot me n B over le, quite some time ago. coz he abit cum tell me he like a gal. so ya okay lo, like i care. den now he cum after me agn? is he treating me as a spare tyre? i tink so la. wadever la. even if he doesnt treat me as a spare tyre, he is still tramautising me la. the pt is i dun like him. pls dun cum pester me ): it's coz of him, i couldnt slp, i had nightmares abt him, i feel damn stressed up. RAHH. do you noe how tramautised i m! i even daoed him one whole day a few days ago on purpose. i was so scared tt i appeared offline. well, i seldom appear offline de u c. and i even blked him once.
anw, lucky i haf gt zy, ivy and xh to help me hint to him(: now, he gt the hint but he doesnt seem to give up totally. tink he only tone down a little. sighh at least he gt the hint now. tone down a little better than nth. hopefully he can give up totally SOON. i m trying to avoid him but he ahhh, keep chatting to me non-stop. it's like he type one whole chunk, i reply a few words. it's juz tt i m too irritated by him le. if he is nt like tis, i wont be complaining so much. i noe it's sad la, as in he doesnt have many frens but but it's far too irritating. at least to me la. haha this is so qiao, i m typing this n he's like chatting with me now and frm his nick, i tink he gave up le. YES!
okay, cum to the most er part. i suddenly find him very de flirt leh. he wasnt like this initially? he actually called zy xiao yu and ivy xiao mian yang. omg. sumore it's nt only juz names. he said alot of erxin things to zy. and after i heard wat he did in kap during his pw, i gt a shock too can. damn flirt la. i m like looking at him frm another POV now. gosh. let me avoid him in sch perhaps for a few wks ba? i dun wan to get tramautised agn coz toking face to face will scare me even more compared to msn ><
blow it/
let it out___6:15 PM
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
omg, i cant stand my gp tcher AGAIN. at the beginning, i disliked her coz she is like so against me. but after some time, i found her okay coz she put in so much effort in preparing those packages for us and wasnt tt much against me. but NOW, it's NOT okay again.
yesterday gp va presentation, she shot us down like... in the end, our whole presentation lasted like 45 mins la. gosh, super long. den she was down there trying to make her stand. i know she gt a stand, but BUT, we gt our own stand too wat. sumore, we still agreed to her stand but tried to show our stand too. but she juz didnt want to listen la. wanted to speak for like THREE times den she kept stating her pts. so in the end, the whole presentation like became a verbal argument la. both bailu and ivy tried to state our stand in a nice way. den i was down there, arguing like mad. then we concluded that it was really ptless to continue arguing coz she juz wont listen to us de. she is always like this, always tink tt she is correct la. den she tok and tok until she was toking about pple being gd at sth den she went "for example, your english teacher". i was like diao.. praising urself? DOTS.
gosh, den i wanted to bao de lo. if she werent my tcher, i would haf alrdy bao la. and before she can continue shooting us down even more, i asked ivy to tell her tt we wld take note of wat she said and thk her for her comments. lol. she den made some general comments of the performance of our own class. she went "some of u talked for more than 3 mins, try not to speak more than 3 mins, it will be unfair to the other group members". obviously she is toking abt me lo.
again, i was stupid enough to go do her gp hw. when the whole class didnt even do!! i was the only one who did la. it was supposed to be a piece of hw la den since everyone didnt do, she thot she didnt give us tt for our hw. den she made me seem as if i m some kind of mugger liddat. LOL. i thot i said i wld not bother abt doing gp hw de but i still did. perhaps i did it for myself n nt coz of her.
perhaps it takes more time for me to accept her.
blow it/
let it out___12:32 AM
Sunday, July 1, 2007
hmm, guess my emo mood is coming back agn. LOL. okayy, yest was having this pw meeting online. tt time we are saying, nit to give out surveys so i went to photostat 200 of tt survey which is 100 pieces of paper. so yea, so yest yipi was saeing since there are so many and alot of us haven finish, so wadever u haf, juz keep den others fake out. hmm, okayy.. u might as well sae earlier la so i wont haf to ask my dad to photostat. abit waste paper, waste my dad's time, waste my saliva to kinda beg my dad to photostat. and she juz said 'sorry wor'? den i keep saeing how fake out like the occupation thing.. u can fake so many out ah? since we nit to have different sectors de like business blah blah blah. now i noe why yh dun like her so much. LOL, but in the end yh helped me by suggesting we go out tgther to give, after i complained to her. well, i shall forgive yipi den. LOL, like u do sth wrong le den cum sae sry to me. abit gt use la. once it is hurt, it is hurt la. hmm, like shooting sl agn. shall nt sae, shall nt tink.
den today went for squash with vivien and shuffy. okayy, quite bad la. i hit like shit. hit until my palm very pain, tink coz starting to form blisters le. so when i wan go home tt time, vivien n shuffy cum sae me. okay la, i noe they mean well and i noe i m nt trying as hard as the others. i wan to go for the reselection if there is any but i noe i cant make it. so how? i oso duno la. and sighh, i feel quite hurt by their words. so in the end, i stayed for an hr more to train and i tried hitting with wadever i gt lo. so while i was hitting, i kept tinking abt the sl thing, abt wat vivien and shuffy said, abt alot of things, basically my probs ba. while training, shuffy came ask me if i feel inferior while training with them and i said yes. den she sae den u train alone la. hmm, i noe i m lousy la, but dunit to sae until so.. okay, i tink i tink too much le, maybe she juz wan to spur me on. maybe coz my mood wasnt really gd in the morn le.
hm, why is my mood nt so gd in the morn den? agn, is abt sl. haha, he actually dao my msg when i alrdy told him i forgive him and i asked him abt the maths va thing. is like i forgive u le, wat u wan!! is like u sliced my heart up into duno how many pieces le yet i still forgave u. hmm, now it seems to be my fault tt he fell into the emo mood frm wat yh told me yest. wat is this la, i m like hurting pple ard me.
so yes, after squash, called my bro. den i realised tt they went out. out w/o me. LOL, den my mum sae who ask me dun call earlier. how wld i noe u all are going out! nobody even tell me la. okay lo, my fault agn. so i m like alone at home now.
juz leave me alone, i dun wan probs. and yes, tonite having maths va discussion? abit sian diao you mei you.
blow it/
let it out___2:28 PM
Friday, June 29, 2007
well, yest, my mood was quite low la. initially was quite okay le after we went to jz's hse to play. budden when i came online and checked out the class blog, my mood went like super low. why? coz somebody by the name of shiliang went to put some lyrics on the class blog and it was about me, brian and xh. i was like abit angry la. wan to play, can. but dun play till so overboard can. and those lyrics are like making me sound so despo when i m nt.
okay la, i noe he doesnt mean it. i noe he is juz playing and teasing perhaps brian? but it does hurts me la. i m a gal and i have feelings one. but sumtimes, i find him rather poor thing la. he very emo de. so like yest, after i found out tt he was the one, i still tok to him normally la. den after tt, went to play audi to numb myself and nt tink of tt thing.
and yea, today samuel asked me abt the class blog thing and i didnt tell him who was the one even though i noe. coz i didnt want those who didnt noe is sl to change impression of sl. coz it's like i tink the class guys cant stand sl at times, like last time the fb training thing. so i dun wan them to like totally dislike sl coz of me. yea.
but yea, sl was kind enuf to remove the lyrics today. tink he noes i felt super hurt by it. den he even emailed me to tell me tt he is really sorry. okay.. at least he apologised to me. forgive n forget- hmm, tink i will forgive him but i will certainly nt forget ba. really hope tt he dun do it agn la. hope he noes his limit. yea.
sighh. this whole thing is like getting more n more out of hand. LOL. i noe tt it is spreading among cat high guys in other jcs too. and tt's how i found out abt this- through my fren in aj. imagine man, he said he heard it frm his fren frm other jcs and his fren heard it frm sumone else. duno who, forgt liao. and he came tell me he noes abt ALOT of things. hmm. this is like wadever! shall ignore it!(:
and yea, today jz came to tell me tt xh super hurt coz of me? is like jz told me tt he tinks tt i have chosen brian. LOL.. tt's why he like on the verge of emo-ing. but one thing i m sure is tt i nv choose brian lo. i m like stuck in the middle. i dun wan to hurt the both of them leh. it will seem tt i m the bad person here. so i seriously have no idea wat to do. and anw, jz told me he was waiting for me to initiate convo yest. haha and i didnt. first i coz i low mood and second why always i initiate de! haha, i noe he is shy la so i shall tok to him ltr coz jz told me so much about him being hurt coz of me till i felt so guilty :/
blow it/
let it out___11:48 PM
